Seeing a concert, even one that I don't enjoy, always gives my inner-musician a jolt. Tonight was no different. I wanted to be up on the stage, doing what Robyn was doing. I am not, though. Is that the source of my sadness? Perhaps.
I have always been incredibly attracted to Robyn. She's a good-looking woman, a great musician, she plays by her own rules, and she's one heck of a dancer. Is it possible that instead of receiving a thrill from being so close to her, I have become distraught over the distance I experienced? The distance between a performer and audience member (one of hundreds) does seem so great even when the two are merely separated by a matter of feet. She certainly is something that I desire but will never have. But I did not feel such sadness until after she left the stage.
Here is what I do know: I spent $35 for a few hours of music. I was very excited for it. I enjoyed it while it was going on. Since it ended, I felt more despondent than I have felt in months.
I'm not sure why I bother with concerts. They never seem to be worth the money.
But I feel the desire to perform--musically--within myself. And I do hope that the world would continue to fund that practice. I guess I just don't want to be the one to do it... I don't want to be one of the crowd. I only want the stage.
You are probably wondering what the point of this post is. I guess I'm just trying to figure out.
