My Semester at The Onion

So this past semester I interned with The Onion, writing for the Chicago A.V. Club. I got to write some neat stuff, so here is my semester in review.

Here’s the first piece I wrote. Only one of my sentences was spared by supervisor’s editing. Guess which one and you’ll win a hug from me!

Only my second month into my internship, The A.V. Club knew where to find a writer with some street cred for this one.

2010 was apparently a big year for creative burlesque shows in Chicago. I wrote pieces on Burlesque shows inspired by Pink Floyd and Super Mario Brothers.

I got to write about some really cool things that I never would have heard about. A charity Rock Band tournament and a restaurant masquerading for Halloween.

My supervisor told me to “have fun with this one.” I knew that meant, “you better make this one funny.” Guess what? She liked it! Hooray! Easily my favorite piece.

And on my very last day, I had the pleasure of writing about a tribute screening of one of the silliest men of all time.

Their was some pretty boring stuff in there too, but all in all I had a good experience.

Number One with a Dull-et

So just about every “Best Albums of the Year” list has Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy at number one and I don’t like it.

The album’s first single, “Power,” is really groovy. Whoop-da-dee-do. One good song. “Runaway” is one of the worst Kanye songs I have ever heard. I want to puke every time I hear it. Kanye’s lyrics are ridiculous. Normally I can get past his self-important spewing of hot air because he has such a good ear for what sounds good, but not this time.

I can already hear the dissenters asking, “But isn’t ‘Monster’ a great song?” No! It’s not even the best song with that title.

And I’m sick of all the credit he’s getting for “working” with Bon Iver. He’s just taking an artist that all white people like (what ethnicity are music critics?) and including several minimal contributions by him. Name dropping. Shooting fish in a barrel. Call it what you want, either way it’s uninspired.

Do you know why “Lost in the World” sounds good? Because “Woods“ is a great song. Kanye just threw some drums and rapping (that don’t even sound that cool) over it. It’s like a school cafeteria serving In N’ Out burgers for lunch. “Mom, lunch was awesome today! On my list of top 20 school lunches of the year, it was number 1!” Of course it was. It was great when that lumberjack-looking cafeteria worker from Wisconsin did it last year. Now some hot shot from Chicago decides to wrap those same burgers in shiny rapping and he’s being hailed as the greatest chef in the world.

I’m almost tempted to wish that Kanye would just write another “Jesus Walks”, but I know that he would just negate it’s refreshing message with another public display of narcissism.

You want to hear something that was gradually released throughout the year without a nauseating culmination? Check out Robyn’s Body Talk. I may be biased but I have never found so many toe-tappers on one album before.

How Emma Watson Ruined Harry Potter

In her Harry Potter fantasy saga, author J.K. Rowling describes the character Hermione Granger as bushy haired and bucktoothed. In fact, young Granger’s teeth are so fugly that after Draco Malfoy enlarges them as a prank (in Goblet of Fire, I believe), Hermione instructs the school nurse to shrink her teeth to a more normal size, rather than their hideous original appearance.

The casting director for the Harry Potter movie franchise apparently has never picked up one of the books because he or she cast the stunning Emma Watson as Hermione. Nearly all viewers have come to acknowledge Watson’s beauty, though the most perceptive were able to detect her sublimely good looks back in the Sorcerer’s Stone days. In the series’ finale, The Deathly Hallows, the romantic tensions have moved to the forefront of the drama, making Hermione’s miscasting a much more obvious distraction.

In The Deathly Hallows, Harry and Hermione journey through the countryside. Just the two of them. Two heterosexual seventeen year-olds of opposite sexes traveling alone in the woods (staying in the same tent no less) is just about the perfect hook-up scenario. The catch: Harry’s got a fiery redhead at home and Hermione’s jonesin’ for a Weasley of her own.

The Deathly Hallows Part 1 film attempts to play off this tension by inserting a scene of Harry and Hermione flirtatiously dancing with one another while the world around them goes to hell. I’m sure the intent of the scene was to get the audience to think about the characters' motives—especially in light of their respective ginger romances—but my mind was nowhere near that.

If I were reading the book I might have thought, “But aren’t they just friends?” But after an hour or so of watching Watson majestically glide across the screen, all I could think was, “Why wouldn’t Harry try to hit that?" Sure, Ginny’s blossoming into a fine young woman, but Harry’s got a bona fide ten in his own tent! I’m sure director David Yates wanted suspense, but what he got was an entire audience muttering, “It’s about time.” The only thing that took me by surprise was that I had been replaced by a short, spectacled British boy in the fantasy I have enjoyed for years.

I may not even bother to see Deathly Hallows Part 2. I may, instead, opt to imagine myself inserted in the nude make out scene with Hermione for two and a half hours. I would save ten dollars and be far more prepared should the situation ever arise in reality!

KT Tunstall Suits Up

KT Tunstall got her big American break in 2006 when contestant Katharine McPhee delivered a surprisingly horizontal rendition of her hit song "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" on American Idol. From there, Tunstall's debut album Eye to the Telescope went multi-platinum. Tunstall's second album, Drastic Fantastic, slipped under the radar—way under—in comparison to her debut. If it weren't for the occasional Eye to the Telescope tracks gracing the radio, one might be compelled to forget about Ms. Tunstall altogether. Fortunately for her fans, she won’t settle for that.

Tunstall's third studio album, Tiger Suit (released Oct. 5 in the US) is the Scottish singer-songwriter's most ambitious effort. "Hold On," the lead single from Drastic Fantastic, was basically a "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" retread. There is none of that this time. Tiger Suit is clearly a different animal. The very first ominous synthesizer chord makes it very clear that this is not your, um, older sister's KT Tunstall record. Except it kind of is. She still has that honest folky singer-songwriter dynamic and still dabbles in upbeat country blues, but she explores so much more. Tunstall has never shied away from electronic experimentation, her live shows are loaded with samples and loops, but she really pushes herself in that area on Tiger Suit. There are moments at which Tiger Suit could pass for an Imogen Heap album (though Imogen did trade in the electronics for all natural instruments on Ellipse).

The album’s opener “Uummannaq Song” takes no prisoners. The aforementioned synthesizer and echoing “oh oh oh’s” set a vast stage that Tunstall confidently commands, wailing through a powerful chorus. “Uummannaq Song” is poised to be the crown jewel of Tiger Suit until “Fade Like a Shadow” comes around. Perhaps the most cheerful-sounding song ever written about lost love using vampiric imagery, “Fade Like a Shadow” hits with an infectious wall of sound sprinkled with a delightful xylophone line. Not all of Tunstall’s emotions are masked by upbeat pop tunes, though. “Lost,” “The Entertainer,” and the sparkling “(Still a) Weirdo” provide pitch-perfect contrasts to the toe-tappers. “Weirdo” is the confession of a person woefully coming to terms with inadequacies and the inability to measure up. Think Radiohead’s “Creep” with less angst and more heart.

Tiger Suit is a bit uneven, but that speaks more to the excellence of the standout tracks than the deficiencies of the others. Not only does it serve as the vehicle for a few wonderful tunes, but Tiger Suit is also a delightful 43 minutes of music.

I'm Still Here

My Dearest Readers,

I have not abandoned you. Rather, I have been concentrating my efforts on a very modestly paying outlet: The North Park Press. I may still post things here that the Press deems inappropriate or, perhaps, too brilliant and insightful. In any case, please follow my work here.

Forever yours,

Kyle

Premature Holiday Excitement

I know it’s still summer and I just wrote about why I am excited for Fall, but may I write about the exciting holiday season? It looks good. Really good. Good enough to make up for 2010’s crop of Summer films.

Exhibit A: 127 Hours – November 5 (limited)

It doesn’t look as interesting as 28 Days Later, Slumdog Millionaire, or even Sunshine. It also may bring out the worst in my claustrophobia, but I am not prepared to bet against Danny Boyle right now. Especially not with a leading man as likable as James Franco.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWWcQC0ZxIM

The following week we (hopefully) get another treat: Morning Glory – November 12

I love Jeff Goldlum… or at least the idea of Jeff Golblum. Maybe I only like him as Ian Malcolm and a Conan O’Brien guest. For whatever reason, I am much more optimistic about this Goldblum film than I was about The Switch, but I do feel like I am risking a lot with this pick. Especially because both Goldblum and Harrison Ford are such risks in this genre. The one thing I am confident about is that the always watchable Rachel McAdams will carry the picture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9lWUqraDoU

And a third consecutive intriguing release: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 – November 19

No explanation needed. It looks sick.


Then the potential crown jewel of the season: How Do You Know – December 17

I’ve only seen the trailer, but it looks like James L. Brooks is back to business. The comedy looks so sharp, so smart, and so funny. Hopefully there will be more to it than the trailer jokes. And how about that cast? Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, Reese Witherspoon, AND Jack Nicholson? Holy Cow! I hope I don’t regret saying this, but if I only see one movie the rest of the year, this is it (no offense, Harry). Please be better than Spanglish. Please be better than Spanglish. Please be better than Spanglish.

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAZfBVGWimM

Why I'm excited for FALL!

Along with the magnificently comfortable temperatures, here are a couple more reasons why I am excited for Fall.

Monsters
I love sci-fi. I got excited for the Skyline trailer so you can imagine how giddy this trailer made me. And I should know better than to read in to the review snippets in the trailer, but if someone at “Aint it Cool News” considers this the best giant monster movie that he or she has seen in years, then that means said critic considers it better than Cloverfield AND The Host. I LOVE MONSTER MOVIES!!!
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IshZoIwz_o

Hurley
Weezer’s recent reinvention was so welcome. Better yet, they seem to have even further embraced silliness since Raditude. Want proof? Look no further than Hurley’s cover: no text, just the face of Jorge Garcia. “All we wanted was his amazing face,” said singer-songwriter Rivers Cuomo to Spinner. Cuomo is also very proud of a collaboration with Ryan Adams to be included on Hurley. For another fun Weezer collaboration enjoy the video posted below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiIwgcrv4wU

Or for a reminder of Rivers’ heartfelt songwriting…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztvJdAIGk54&feature=related

Sex(orc)sim

Now I’m no expert on exorcism movies; I’ve never even seen one. But from the little bit I know about the three that I’m aware of (“The Exorcist,” “The Exorcism of Emily Rose,” and the upcoming “The Last Exorcism”) they all feature possessed girls. That really tangles my rosaries! The repeated portrayals of women as controlled by spirits only further perpetuates the (not always conscious) belief that women are to be controlled.

These exorcism films are just one more message that reinforces the belief that men are able to control women- and that women should allow themselves to be controlled. This does not need to happen. The writers may not be doing it intentionally either. They may just be following the pattern of previous exorcism stories. That is why it is imperative for storytellers to carefully meditate on the subconscious messages of their stories. Let a demon torture a man. Let a superhero be in a same-sex relationship. Let a damsel save a dude in distress! It’s riskier, but the same messages over and over form dangerous stereotypes. Dangerous, demonic stereotypes!

Toy Story 3: Pixar Knows where they Stand

Andy is all grown up and going off to college. The most recent installment of the Toy Story series is not for children, but rather for the inner children of those who have grown up. “Toy Story 3” is a somewhat dark and could be scary for young ones at times. There is enough silliness and slapstick to hold a child’s attention, but it doesn’t compare to the brilliant script that more mature viewers will appreciate. I dare not give any of the clever surprises away so, please, PLEASE, see it for yourself.

Two summers ago, Pixar released, “Wall-E”: an emotionally touching, visually arresting dialogue-less marvel. They have somehow upped the ante twice consecutively since then, first with “Up” and now “Toy Story 3.” Pixar has certainly set the bar very high and is dominating the animated film market, but they are well aware that they are not the only ones making magic.

Toy Story 3 features many new toys. One of them is a Totoro doll. Many people might not notice it (it has no lines), but anime fans will recognize the creature from Hayao Miyazaki’s classic film “My Neighbor Totoro.” Pixar didn’t need to acknowledge Miyazaki- or anyone for the matter- they have worked their way to the absolute top of the film world. They have consistently made high quality work right from the get go. They didn’t need to recognize anyone else- but they chose to.

For all of Pixar’s great works, they understand that others have paved their way, and without much recognition. Miyazaki is a Japanese filmmaker that continues to make terrific animated films after 30 years. Miyazaki’s hand drawn films lack the computer animation of Pixar, but their magic is absolutely undeniable. And, like “Toy Story 3,” they often offer just as much to adults as they do to children- if not more. Including the Totoro doll was a subtle, but very appropriate nod to one of the all time great filmmakers. I was so glad that the folks at Pixar, for all their success, knew to acknowledge the master.

MacNificent

“MacGruber”, the most recent Saturday Night Live skit to turn film, is a one-note comedy, but it hits that note hard.

Rogue Pictures took a 90-second recurring skit and blew it into the most over-the-top SNL film to date. The television skit is comfortably within the show’s TV-14 rating, but the film’s humor is relentlessly crude. If you don’t appreciate juvenile jokes about sex and excrement, you probably won’t like this movie. But if you appreciate MacGruber’s sophomoric brand, the film will bring you to tears in laughter (as it did for me, but to qualify that: the last two films to do the same were “Team America” and “Brüno”).

But “MacGruber” is more than a mere string of gags. Unlike “The Brothers Solomon” (the last film Will Forte starred in and wrote), which dragged between jokes, “MacGruber” moves very briskly. Credit Director Jorma Taccone, who also fills the film with surprisingly impressive action sequences. Not bad for a guy whose biggest previous productions were SNL Digital Shorts. “MacGruber” achieves a big-budget action film feel, which really heightens the satire

“MacGruber” also deserves props for finally delivering a big screen roll that allows Kristen Wiig, arguably the funniest SNL performer, to show her stuff. If you don’t laugh at her coffee shop scene, you probably need your funny bone checked out. The rest of the movie is certainly not for everyone, but for those who do appreciate it, it’s explosive.

A Dumb Heart

Behind all the outrageousness and all around hilarity of the Farrelly Brothers’ classic “Dumb and Dumber,” is a rather tender heart. Lloyd is a professional chauffeur who becomes infatuated with one of his customers, Mary. Lloyd picks up a briefcase that Mary left behind before flying to Aspen, CO. He wants to travel to Aspen to return the briefcase and, more importantly, see Mary again, but his roommate, Harry, doesn’t want to. Lloyd convinces Harry with this speech: “You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of bein' a nobody. But most of all I'm sick and tired of havin' nobody.” That quote sparks the cross-country road trip that propels to the story forward, but it is also key to the emotional core of the movie.

Lloyd is in a position familiar to many, he likes someone who doesn’t like him back. He decides to take a chance on her though. He travels across the United States for her only to have his best friend betray him. Lloyd witnesses Harry cavorting with her in Aspen and it breaks his heart. In the end, the two friends get over the bad blood and are portrayed as very content. They didn’t gain anything. Neither one got the girl. They just had each other and that was enough. The story is very representative of the human cycle of dissatisfaction.

Lloyd was convinced that Mary would improve his life. When he considered his life without her, he said that he had “nobody,” but he really had somebody. He had Harry. The audience understands that having Harry was enough all along. So often, we convince ourselves that life would be better if only a certain thing changed. But if even we achieve that change, we eventually find something else to make us dissatisfied. As the late Michael Crichton wrote, “As a rule, nothing you lack now will make you happy when you get it.” But realizing that rule doesn’t stop our feelings of dissatisfaction from causing distress. “Dumb and Dumber” very accurately portrays both Lloyd’s conviction in his belief that he needed Mary and the pain and heartache it caused him. We already have everything we need to be happy and we must hold fast to that belief. It is so easy to feel dissatisfied and struggle to see the good in life, but it is especially those moments that require great faith. We already have everything we need.

Writing A Great Song

I wonder what it’s like to write a great song.

I wonder if Tracy Chapman knew what a beautiful thing she had created when she was hammering out “Fast Cars” on acoustic guitar for the first time. Did she feel empowered to have written something so wonderful? I wonder what Primitive Radio Gods felt like after recording “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand.” Were they afraid that they may never write anything that good again? Does an artist give up because they feel they’ve already done their very best?

At which part of the process does that artist realize how great the song is? Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls admitted that he never thought his song “Name” was anything special. He just stuck it in the middle of “A Boy Named Goo” to take up space. Now it is one of the band’s most beloved songs. I wonder if the process was different with “Iris” (gag all you want, but it’s moving). Did he have a hunch that he might have something great on his hands while the song was still in its premature stages? Did that feeling not come until the grand string sections has been added?

Perhaps an artist never really knows that something is great unless the audience gives its blessing. But what if that artist-audience communication never exists? It’s possible that a musician’s song is moving someone in the world and he or she will never know about it. An artist may write a song off without ever knowing that it’s someone’s favorite.

Owen Pallett - Heartland

Owen Pallett (formerly known as Final Fantasy)’s newest album is entitled Heartland and appropriately so (assuming that Heartland refers to some sort of place). The album suggests a place, or rather an adventure through it. I imagine journeying through some sort of bizarre world as I listen to the album. The world I picture is neither lovely nor menacing, but rather something in between. It’s something uniquely captivating. And it’s one heck of a voyage.

The first few songs sound like they belonged on a soundtrack to a Tim Burton movie. I can’t say I was completely enamored, but I was very intrigued. “The Great Elsewhere” marks a clear turning point in the album. You go from voyeur, taking in the sights and sounds of Heartland, to someone facing it head-on. Pallett seems to be grabbing you by the shoulders and demanding your attention. Though the beginning of the album is simply interesting, “The Great Elsewhere” is absolutely moving. “Oh Heartland, Up Yours!” and “Lewis Takes Off His Shirt” complete the stunning three-song halfway point of the journey. The former with a beautiful melody, laced with sorrow, and the latter with a triumphant chorus.

The rest of the album reverts back to journey mode, but with a new perspective. The melodies are more affecting; you have clearly gone deeper into Heartland. The album ends very abruptly with “What Do You Think Will Happen Now?,” but I imagine it is intentional. The final song feels like it should lead into another, but there is nothing else. Pallett asks the listener what he or she thinks will happen now and leaves it up to the listener’s opinion. It seems to suggest that there is more to Heartland than has been revealed to us. I, for one, couldn’t be more thrilled. I love that place.

1940's Japan is Close to Home

“Grave of the Fireflies” is considered Isao Takahata’s masterpiece. The Japanese animator wrote and directed “Fireflies,” which is based on Akiyuki Nosaka’s autobiographical account of the World War 2 firebombings. In the film, Seita is a teenage boy who loses his mother to the bombings while his father is serving in the Navy. He is forced to care for his young sister Setsuko by himself. This anime classic is often considered one of the greatest war (anti-war) films, but its themes are by no means confined to wartimes.

Seita and Setsuko first go to live with their aunt after losing their home and mother. Though she is hospitable at first, the aunt begins to turn on Seita. She calls him lazy and tells him that he should help Japan by fighting the fires, not hiding from them with his sister. She refuses to feed Seita and Setsuko rice (which she gives to her own children) because Seita doesn’t do anything. Another adult tells Seita to be brave like his father, echoing the aunt’s opinion.

Every character in the film fails to see Seita’s bravery. He eventually leaves the aunt’s house because he feels unwelcome and makes a home out of an air-raid shelter. He struggles mightily to provide food for Setsuko and keep her spirits up, but no one acknowledges it. No one considers caring for Setsuko to be legitimate work. Though the film is more than 20 years old and it takes place in the 1940’s, its message is still very relevant.

An under appreciation for childcare still exists throughout the world today. Fathers who chose to be primary caregivers are considered lazy, just as Seita was. Seita’s harshest critic was his aunt, a woman and a caregiver herself. Both women and men buy into the notion that childcare is woman’s work and that woman’s work is considered less important. “Fireflies” cries out for all those under appreciated caregivers, male and female. Seita’s struggle was so great and he was offered no assistance or recognition. He struggled until it broke him (don’t worry, the first scene of the movie shows him dying alone so it’s not a spoiler). Who are we allowing to break?

Dust It Off: Slumdog Millionaire SPOILERS

I am assuming that the reader has seen the movie already.

The "climactic" moment of "Slumdog Millionaire" cuts back and forth between Jamal awaiting the answer to the final question and Salim sitting in a tub full of money, preparing to kill the head gangster guy.

The first time I saw the movie, I was distressed by this scene. It culminates with a montage of images: Jamal winning the money, fellow 'slumdogs' pouring into the streets in celebration, and Salim shooting the gangster just before being shot himself. I didn't like how Jamal's problems needed to be solved with violence (by Salim) when the film had supported gentleness up to that point.

By my fourth viewing, I saw the film in a different light. I realized that, even though Jamal winning the money was the most celebrated moment, it was not his victory. Jamal had already received what mattered: Latika's safety. The fortune didn't really matter. Everyone celebrated the fortune, except Jamal himself. This celebration was juxtaposed with the image of Salim killing and being killed in a tub of money. The montage seemed to suggest the naivete of those celebrating. Money does not bring happiness. Jamal always knew that, but Salim realized it too late. As a result, Salim met his fate in a pool of its source: money and greed. The shooting scene was not a moment of triumph, but one of tragedy. The struggle for human connection through love begot the true victory of the film: Jamal and Latika reuniting.

Tegan and Sara - Aragon Ballroom 3/26

Tegan and Sara played the Aragon Friday night. I listen to them all the time. I saw them perform at the Hollywood Bowl this summer and was a bit underwhelmed. I assumed it was because the venue was so enormous and the sound system didn’t pack much of a punch, but I had a similar experience at the Aragon.

One reason for not having my potential for enjoyment maximized may have been the song choices. They began with “The Ocean,” which was really dull, then played “On Directing,” which picked things up a bit, but then played “The Cure,” which dragged again. All of those songs are on their newest album, “Sainthood,” which I’m not the biggest fan of. Most of the songs that I do like on that album are Sara songs (ie. “On Directing”). Tegan’s are pretty weak (ie. “The Ocean” and “The Cure”). If they were to play the best “Sainthood” songs, Tegan wouldn’t be singing very many of hers. Perhaps they try to balance the number of songs. Normally I wouldn’t oppose, but “Sainthood” is so Sara-heavy that the balance worked to their disadvantage. They may have also considered it cliché to open with the first track of their newest album, but “Arrow” would have been a much better opener that “The Ocean.”

I think I also realized that I’m not a big fan of their style live. Both girls are charming and fine musicians (along with the band), but don’t possess much stage presence. I wanted to see some swagger. They also change guitars between every song. I don’t know much about alternate tunings, but it would behoove them to consider grouping similar tunings when planning the set. They lost so much momentum between songs.

I love listening to Tegan and Sara records, but they just don’t put on a very dynamic performance. I’m sure some people really loved the show, but me? Well, I like everything big. I didn’t dislike the show, I was just a bit unsatisfied.

2010 Irwies

It's that time of year! That's right, the second annual Irwie Award presentation. Irwies are awards presented in honor of the late Steve Irwin honoring people, things, or phenomena that have made a significant dent in the realm of pop culture over the past year.

Here we go!

Achievement in Douchebaggery - Spencer Pratt.

For beginning the process of legally changing his name to “King Spencer Pratt.” Seriously. No idea if it’s officsh yet. You got lucky Kanye. Disrespecting T-Swift like that was pretty douchey. And count your blessings NBC. You guys might not be so dumb after all- choosing one of the douchiest years in recent memory to do Conan bogus like that.


Song of the Year - “Hawaii” by Mew

It’s big. It’s pretty. Holy cow. Just listen to it.


Artist of the year – Woody Harrelson

“The Messenger” gave Harrelson Golden Globe and Oscar nominations for best supporting actor and “Zombieland,” which gave him a much-deserved starring role, garnished rave reviews. Unfortunately I haven’t seen either of those. But I have seen “2012.” And let me tell you, what a performance! Harrelson is the best part of the movie. Better than the epic special effects. Better than those two old ladies. 2009 will forever go down as the Year of Woody!


Heartbreak of the Year – Frusciante’s Exit

Now I love Billy Mays as much as the next guy and I’ll be the first to tell you that Conan got shafted (though I have to admit, I didn’t watch him as much on The Tonight Show as I did on Late Night), but this is downright sad. John Frusciante, the guitarist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has stepped down. I am a little biased, but I consider Frusciante’s visionary work to be the driving force that lifted the Chili Peppers to rock’s upper echelon over the last decade. I’m sure the new guy can play, but I have a feeling the Chili Peppers are going to miss Frusciante’s songwriting. He has such a musical ear and that is not easily replaced. Frusciante claims that the intrigue he once found in the Chili Peppers has now manifested in his solo music and I think he should pursue what he is passionate about. Frusciante is one of the great musicians of this era and I will take great music from him in whatever form I can get it, but I will miss him as a member of the Chili Peppers.


Greatest Guilty Pleasure – Jersey Shore

I can’t believe that “2012” isn’t receiving this award, but “Jersey Shore” is like a car wreck that you can’t look away from. A buff, tan, fake-boobed, Ed Hardy-clad car wreck. By the end of the season the episodes become a bit repetitive, but I have such fond memories of the show: particularly The Situation and Pauly D trying to “smoosh” with their respective girls in the same bedroom.
(Note: Justin Bieber was not considered in this category because I am legitimately proud to be a fan of his).


And last but certainly, certainly not least...

Stone Cold Fox of the Year

Rachel Berry. Yes the character. Not the actress, Lea Michele, who plays her. Yes, I know that Lea is lovely. And yes, I know that Rachel’s not real. There’s just something about her. I went through the entire first season of Glee in under 80 hours and I solely blame Rachel Berry for that. I’ve watched interviews with Lea Michele on youtube and it just isn’t the same. Something about those dorky clothes and abrasive attitude really rev my engine. And call me old fashioned, but Rachel being a high school sophomore doesn’t hurt either. (I can say that if she’s not real, right?).

'81 by Joanna Newsom

Joanna Newsom just released a triple album, Have One on Me, on which each disc has but six songs and most of the songs are in the 6 to 10 minute range. That's a lot of music and I've only listened to about 20 minutes of it, but included in those 20 minutes were 3 minutes and 51 seconds of bliss in the form of the song "'81." I heard that this album would be more straightforward and less weird than Newsom's previous work and it seems to be so far. "'81" is one of the few conventionally-lengthed songs and boy is it pretty. Newsom removes her quirkiness from the foreground and just gets down to business. Her voice sounds a lot better too.

Bottom Line: Listen to "'81."

Dust It Off pick: Bringing Down the Horse

This is a new feature for Critical Condition. I often listen to an album or watch a movie that I haven’t listened to or watched in a while and will be reminded just how good it is. As I receive those reminders, I will document them on “Dust It Off” to urge the lovely people of the world to take it off the shelf and dust it off as well.

My first entry is for the 1996 Wallflower’s album Bringing Down the Horse, the most memorable album of an unfortunately forgotten band. The fact that the Wallflowers have gone relatively unnoticed while continuing to make good music since the release of Bringing Down the Horse is not one that I will explore… today.

What I will discuss is how downright majestic Bringing Down the Horse is. It also brings down the “sophomore slump" notion. The album starts off with a bang – the band’s signature song “One Headlight” - and keeps the momentum going. “6th Avenue Heartache” and “Three Marlenas” bring down the tempo, but keep you just as mesmerized. The tempo picks up again on “The Difference,” the most upbeat song on the record, just before taking a huge breath with the precious “Invisible City.” The rest of the album continues to alternate upbeat and laid back tracks, but never ceases to enchant. Bringing Down the Horse is also a great soundtrack for driving at night (FYI).

Super Star

For me, the most memorable Super Bowl moment was not Tracy Porter’s interception of Peyton Manning, any of the million dollar commercials, The Who’s halftime performance, or Drew Brees cradling the Lombardi trophy in his arms. The most memorable moment of Super Bowl XLIV came on Matt Stover’s missed field goal in the fourth quarter. The forty two year-old kicker missed a 51-yard kick with the Colts up 17-16. The Saints took over and scored two more touchdowns to win the game.

Some consider the missed FG to be the turning point of the game. It’s possible. Though that is not what makes it memorable. After the miss, with Peyton Manning obviously frustrated on the sidelines and all the Colts fans very disappointed, Stover lifted his head to the sky and pointed to the heavens.

When I saw that replay I thought “they must be showing his reaction to the field goal that he made in the first quarter,” but the announcers assured me that it was not. “Stover, a very spiritual man, points to the sky after every kick. Make or miss.”

It took a while for that to sink in. I had never seen that before, but it had such power. Stover, though he won a Super Bowl with the Baltimore Ravens, was not a member of the 2007 champion Colts team. He must have wanted to prove himself to the rest of the team, but he realized there was something more important. He acknowledged that there is something bigger than that kick, bigger than the game (even the biggest of all games). Stover acknowledged that, win or lose, God still reigns. It’s great that players are so passionate about what they do and work so hard to foster their gifts, but at the end of the day there are bigger things in this world. To see that on display, on the biggest of stages, was the brightest spectacle of the night.

The Simpsons Address Sexism

An episode of The Simpsons titled “Duffless” features a hilarious ad for Duff beer. The commercial opens with a group of women picketing outside of the McMahon and Tate Advertising building chanting “down with sexism.” Two young male onlookers lean against a Duff truck. One of them scoffs “Look at all those feminists." The other responds by asking “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” The two males each grab a bottle of Duff, shake it up, and spray it on the protesters. The women are then transformed to dancing women in bikinis and their signs now read “Party Down,” “Get Me Drunk,” and “I’m Easy.”

The ad is a highly funny exaggeration of the sexism that exists in American culture, especially beer advertisements. A few moments after watching the ad, I began to feel guilty for laughing at it. Since the ad does reflect the unfortunate reality of the world, is it appropriate to laugh at? Do the writers consider sexism and the objectifying of women laughing matters? Surely not, The Simpsons can do no wrong! Right?

While no television show is morally infallible, I believe that this particular ad serves as appropriate social commentary as well as satire. The ad begins with the frame on the sign of the building “McMahon and Tate Advertising.” You may recognize the name as the agency that Darrin worked at in the 1960’s television show “Bewitched”. The allusion to classic television gives the building significance – old-school beliefs. Because of progress we’ve made such as women’s suffrage and Title IX it is not hard to consider sexism a thing of the past. The women are protesting those “notions of the past,” but after being sprayed down with some beer they become objects themselves. The ad is a reminder of how little progress has been made in valuing women, especially in the media.

Decade Playlist

It's about a month late and a pretty weak excuse for my first entry in two weeks, but here is my twenty-song playlist for the past decade. I'm not claiming that these are the 20 greatest songs, but simply twenty of my favorite songs in no particular order. I took into consideration some of my favorite songs at the beginning of the decade (when I was 11) though they had to have some staying power to make the list.

Highlighting the list is my pick for song of the decade: "Stacy's Mom." The song was unfortunately absent on so many "best of" lists. No other song this decade was so simultaneously fun and catchy. The chorus is killer, absolutely killer. It also embodies the milf/cougar element of the decade. People will listen to this song 30 years from now and feel the 2000's. It also took to the mainstream airwaves like no other power pop song. Everybody and their mother loved Stacy's Mom.

"Once Around the Block" Badly Drawn Boy
"Stacy’s Mom" Fountains of Wayne
"This Modern Love" Bloc Party
"War All The Time" Thursday
"Do You Realize??" The Flaming Lips
"My Number" Tegan and Sara
"Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" Editors
"I Wish" R. Kelly
"Let Me Love You" Mario
"I Get Wet" Andrew W. K.
"Only For the Weak" In Flames
"Feel Good Inc." Gorillaz
"Only Time" Enya
"American English" Idlewild
"Emily Kane" Art Brut
"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)" Josh Groban
"Recovery Room" The Jealous Sound
"Teen Angst" M83
"Dry Your Eyes" The Streets
"Alive" P.O.D.

Corey Monteith: Glee's hotti- er- lukewarmie

The television show Glee is about resurrection of a struggling high school Glee Club. Mr. Schuester, a Spanish teacher, was a member of Glee in its heyday as a high school student. After the former leader was fired, Mr. Scheuster volunteers for the position, hoping to return the club to glory. In a search to find more male voices, Mr. Scheuster discovers Finn – football team quarterback and secretly great singer. Mr. Scheuster convinces Finn to join Glee, making Finn the savior for two reasons. One, his joining opened the floodgates and led to more students joining. And two, he has a good enough voice to complement Rachel Barry, the star of the club with a powerhouse voice. The problem is that Corey Monteith, the actor who plays Finn, does not have that voice.

As far as the actors go, Monteith, may have the worst voice in the club. What makes matters worse is that Finn is often told how incredible he is. Mr. Scheuster tells him that “it’s not easy being special,” but Finn doesn’t seem special at all. Monteith, fits the “gentle jock” bill well enough, but is not a great singer and does make a very intriguing character. It appears he was cast more for jock-believability than ability. Ryan Gosling doesn’t look like a football player, but I bought it in Remember the Titans. So many characters in the show fawn over Finn. Rachel and Kurt are both in love with him and I just can’t figure out why. Finn is not supposed to be a very bright character, but I wouldn’t expect him to be so dull either. So much of the show’s drama revolves around Finn, but the characters who obsess over and admire him are far more dynamic themselves.

Now I should concede that I’ve fallen slightly in love with Rachel Barry- yes, the character- and am a bit jealous of Finn because she likes him – yes the fictional character. But juxtapose Finn with Troy Bolton. Hate on HSM all you want, but Zac Efron is a charming performer, more than adequate singer, and believable enough athletic star. Finding another Efron is easier said than done, but Monteith doesn’t even have prior singing experience (and it shows). I have a hard time believing that of the thousands upon thousands of actors struggling to make it, not one of them would make a more exciting Finn.

Glee's Love Isn't Fair

The television show Glee deals with high school students on the margins of popularity. The show seeks to shine the spotlight on this group of students (which is diverse in race, gender, physical ability, and sexuality) in a way that is quite admirable, but still falls short. Glee’s handling of Kurt, a homosexual character, is a bit insensitive.

The struggling Glee Club receives its savior in Finn, the football team’s quarterback with a heart bigger than his brain and a wealth of untapped vocal potential. Finn is dating Quinn, a cheerleader and eventual Glee Club member herself, but other members of the Glee Club develop feelings for him. One, Rachel Berry, is the abrasive-yet-actually-pretty-hot starlet of Glee Club and the other is Kurt.

Early in the season, it becomes clear that Rachel’s feelings for Finn are at least a little mutual, but Finn’s relationship with Quinn complicates the ensuing love triangle. Rachel and Finn’s relationship is portrayed as one that should be rooted for, a forbidden love in the vein of Jim and Pam from The Office. They seem to be at their best when they are with one another and their intimate moments come complete with delicate background music.

Whenever Kurt and Finn interact, the portrayal is quite different. Finn does not display any tendencies other than heterosexual and does not foster any romantic feelings for Kurt. Scenes containing Kurt and Finn often focus on Finn’s discomfort around Kurt for comic effect. I take no issue with Finn’s discomfort because it simply reflects the reality that many in this world are not comfortable with homosexuality, but the humor in their interactions is very unsettling.

Kurt’s feelings are not taken seriously until a brief confrontation with Rachel late in the season. Hopefully later seasons will give some humanity to Kurt and his feelings because the first season treated them as little more than a running gag. Glee spends so much time developing the Rachel-Finn relationship that Kurt seems insignificant. I understand that Rachel and Finn are main characters and there is more to develop in a relationship in which feelings are mutual, but we push for Rachel so much that we forget her success with Finn would also cause heartbreak for Kurt. Even if they are not central to the story, Kurt’s feelings are just as real as Rachel’s and should be treated as such.

Glee Spins its "Wheels"

One episode of the television show Glee entitled “Wheels” has been widely hailed for its ethics, but critics should not be so generous with their praise. In the episode, all of the members of the Glee Club are required to spend time each day in a wheel chair to better understand how Artie, the paraplegic member of the Club, struggles with high school life.

The premise is admirable and the show very sensitively portrays a handicapped character. Physical handicap is one very underrepresented demographic in film and television so I am glad to see such a character even included in such a popular show.

The thing that bothers me most about Artie is his casting. Kevin McHale, the actor who plays Artie, is not handicapped. He is a fine actor and does very well in the wheelchair, but a handicapped actor should have been given the opportunity to represent the physically handicapped on national television.

I have never been involved in television or film casting before, but I’m guessing that handicapped people aren’t cast for roles unless being handicapped is written into that role. A producer might cast an actor with glasses even if he didn't envision glasses for a character. But if a role calls for a tall, dark, and handsome man and the tallest, darkest, and handsomest man turns out to also be in a wheelchair, I would wager that he does not get the role. The producers might think something along the lines of “Well he may be the best, but I didn’t plan on my character being in a wheelchair. That guy was almost as good and he can walk, let’s give him the role.”

So if the only role that a handicapped actor has a legitimate shot at is a handicapped character, why take that role away from him or her? Glee’s treatment of Artie is a great step forward for television (especially for a show that involves dancing and performing) and I am very happy that the show has become so successful. I just think that the show should give a handicapped performer the chance to shine, just like the fictional Artie receives his chance. Glee had the chance to take a step for handicapped performances, but didn't take it.

Cursed "Moon"

I recently watched the most recent installment in the “Twilight” series – “New Moon.” Though I cannot deny the charm of the series, I was once again frustrated by its very awkward performances. I was excited when I discovered Chris Weitz would be directing “New Moon” because his movies consistently showcase strong performances, and I don’t believe by coincidence. You may not agree with “American Pie’s” crude style, but you cannot deny its charm. “About a Boy” featured some of the most engaging dialogue and character interaction of the decade. And the only thing that Weitz didn’t handle well with the difficult “Golden Compass” material was its battle scene. Weitz is not the savviest action director, but has proved highly effective in manifesting the magic of relationships - making him the perfect candidate to right the Twilight ship.

Alas, the interactions in New Moon were once again laughable. I hesitate to blame the actors because not even Michael Sheen – a proven performer- is believable in his role. The script is far from perfect, but I don’t think it’s at fault either. Melissa Rosenberg's (the writer of both "Twilight" scripts)"Step Up" script was pretty weak, but director Anne Fletcher was able to conjure and interesting relationship between her stars in “Step Up” despite lacking great actors. I honestly wasn’t even sure what kinds of emotions the characters were trying to portray during certain scenes of “New Moon.” Thus I am led to only one logical explanation: the series is cursed. If the series has failed to entertain you so far, skip the final two movies. It won’t get any better. But if it has continued to entertain you – even if not intentionally- the rest of the series should follow suit. So enjoy.

The Class

“The Class” is a French film inspired by a true story about a schoolteacher. Francois Begeaudeau, the teacher on whom the story is based, actually plays himself in the movie. Francois teaches French to a group of troublesome young teens with realistically mixed results.

Realistic is probably the best description for “The Class.” Francois and all of the students play their characters stunningly well. The characters, which the film is really about, are developed with a keen attention to realism. This is not the story of a good teacher, nor is a story of a bad one. The students are also not divided up into “good” and “bad” (even though it may appear so at first). The troublemakers develop redeeming qualities, but don’t reach perfect redemption and Francois - who seems slated to deliver Dead Poets Society type inspiration – stumbles along the way.

The classroom setting becomes secondary in this story of people struggling in the world. People sometimes shine, but sometimes struggle to do what’s good or fulfill potential. What is all too clear is that none of the characters can pull another out of the hole he or she is in, because they’re all in the hole, teachers and students alike. Humans can be good, but can never cease to be flawed. “The Class” makes it clear that we humans need a transcendent force to help us out, someone outside of the hole.

"Bad Romance" Musings

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" video has sparked many a conversation lately. Many critics applaud its production and unique idea, but others are deeply troubled by its premise. The video portrays Gaga being undressed and force-fed alcohol by two women before being displayed in front of an audience of men who bid on her. Gaga eventually approaches the highest bidder just before he and the bed he lays in burst into flames.

I will concede that the production values of the video are very praise-worthy, but I am also one of those disturbed by the video's subject matter. I would really like to sit down with Lady Gaga and find out why she chose human trafficking as the video's plot. I hope that her intention is to bring attention to a travesty that goes terribly unnoticed, but I'm afraid the true answer might be that "it makes a cool video."

I agree with critics who consider the effort put into this video to be a breath of fresh air in the realm of pop music videos. The music video is an art form that often goes unexplored in mainstream music; all night clubs now seem to blur together. But at what cost should something "cool" be created? The "Bad Romance" video does not glamorize human trafficking outright, but the line that Gaga toes is so dangerous.

I suppose it is possible to ethically justify the video that combines the horrors human trafficking (the video is appropriately dark) with the glitz and glam of pop music (sensual choreographed dancing) if it does reduce human trafficking through raising awareness. After all, the man who bids on Gaga gets what's coming to him at the end. But why include anything glamorous? Lady Gaga is a very popular artist and, if the goal is raising awareness, the video will be watched regardless of content or quality.

Is Gaga trying to raise awareness or is she simply trying to be edgy? Does it matter? Can a disturbing portrayal of a real-life atrocity be justified if it causes some good, even if that wasn't the intention?

I would prefer that artists take more responsibility for their art, but it can't be forced. I think the "Bad Romance" video has significant potential for good, but the portrayal is too ambiguous. At one moment it disturbs, but at the next it almost entices. Is the video making light of a horrible crime, merely trying to sell sex a new way, or perhaps trying introduce ourselves to the darkness within us that almost finds the "bad romance" enticing? All I can say for sure is that watching a video this controversial without meditating on its meaning can be very dangerous.

Del Negro's Bulls Win Fourth Straight

Perhaps the Bulls should have initiated coaching-change talks sooner. Vinny Del Negro, who only a week ago seemed certain to be fired, has the Bulls playing their best basketball of the season. They have won four straight games, most recently over the Orlando Magic, owners of the 2nd best record in the East and 3rd in the NBA.

Part of the turn-around can be attributed to Tyrus Thomas' return, but give Del Negro some credit as well. He had enough faith in rookie Taj Gibson to keep him in the starting lineup and bring Thomas off the bench and is being rewarded for it.

He also moved Kirk Hinrich into the starting lineup, allowing John Salmons to come off the bench. The productivity of both players has improved since the move. Salmons' size makes him the more conventional starting two-guard, but the last time the Bulls won a playoff series (2007 sweeping the reigning champion Miami Heat) Hinrich started at the two. Props to Del Negro for seeing past Hinrich's versatility (making it enticing to bring him off the bench) and having faith in starting the 6-3 combo guard against the likes of Dwyane Wade and Vince Carter. Hopefully Salmons will continue to produce offensively off the bench because his drop off has really hurt the Bulls so far this year.